Larry Hagner, founder of The Dad Edge, shares his raw and transformative journey from childhood abandonment to becoming a father of four boys. After a moment of rage with his 4-year-old that broke his own promise never to hurt his children, Larry embarked on a 15-year mission to learn the skills of intentional fatherhood. This conversation explores shame, vulnerability, and the power of choosing growth over perfection in parenting.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

[00:01:48] - Childhood Abandonment and Father Wounds

Larry shares his story of being abandoned by his biological father at 9 months old and again at age 12

Key quote: "Are you going to be my dad? As I'm looking up at him, shaking his hand beaming"

[00:04:18] - Toxic Father Figures and Abuse

Discussion of physical abuse from adoptive father and multiple toxic relationships his mother had

Key quote: "After the first year, things got really horrific. So he drank a lot. My mom drank a lot. There was a lot of fighting, there was a lot of abuse"

[00:06:43] - Miraculous Reunion at Age 12

The serendipitous meeting with his biological father's wife at the YMCA

Key quote: "I think you might be married to my dad. And then you just saw the look on her face. She knew exactly who I was"

[00:12:50] - The Breaking Point: A Father's Worst Moment

Larry's vulnerable account of spanking his 4-year-old son in anger and the child's fearful response

Key quote: "Many years ago, I became the monster that I swore to protect my kids against"

[00:16:12] - The Birth of The Dad Edge

How shame and a Facebook page became the catalyst for learning and community building

Key quote: "When you're ashamed of something or you don't want to think about something, what do people do? They go on social media and they just scroll"

[00:18:42] - Shame Dies in Safe Spaces

The importance of vulnerability and community for fathers

Key quote: "Shame dies when you share things on your heart in safe spaces"

[00:21:38] - Why Men Struggle to Seek Help

Cultural barriers preventing fathers from learning parenting and relationship skills

Key quote: "If you need help with anything, you're weak. You're less than"

[00:28:25] - The Power of Repair and Forgiveness

Larry's son publicly forgiving him during a speaking event

Key quote: "I forgive you. And I was like, what? And he's like, I forgive you"

[00:30:39] - Current Parenting Challenge: Letting Go

Preparing for his first child to leave for college in 73 days

Key quote: "I'm trying to literally capture every single moment that I can with him before he leaves"

[00:33:52] - Entering Your Child's World

The 70/30 rule: 70% entering their world, 30% bringing them into yours

Key quote: "Whatever you're interested in, we will do it"

[00:37:04] - Raising Four Boys: Family Dynamics

Strategies for managing multiple boys and creating family unity

Key quote: "My wife and I have each other's back. No matter what in front of the kids"

[00:41:26] - Family Rituals and Connection

The importance of dinner together and roses/thorns conversations

Key quote: "We create environments of psychological safety, so we're always first to validate what it is that they're feeling versus fix it"

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